literature

Love Visibilty: Three Part One

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Other Sam walked into his best friend Chase Freedom's room, slamming the door behind him.

"I HAD SEX WITH SAM LAST LIGHT, AND IT WAS BLOODY! MARVELOUS</B>!!!!" He shouted as he jumped into his hungover best friend's bed.

"Arghhh," Chase groaned. "Shouldn't you be hungover?"

"I'm already drunk!" Other Sam laughed.

"Well, you're new best friend Danny just might get killed today."

Other Sam sighed. "For five minutes, could I not have the biggest news? And Danny is not my new best friend. No one could ever replace you. I'm only sad that has to be said at this point. You know you're my favorite guy."

"Yeah, yeah. So about Danny getting killed. Turns out Pamela has eighteen evil brothers and sisters out to destroy any potential romantic interest of hers."

Other Sam contemplated this for a second, "…Doesn't matter, I had sex. Smell my eyes."

"How was that again?"

Other Sam got up and opened Chase's mini-fridge,"With the magic of your margarita smoothies!"

"The secret ingredient is cell phone," Chase mumbled in his pillow, going back to sleep.

Other Sam looked horrified at the pink juice he held in his hand, then shrugged and took a large gulp. He went back up to his room in yacht, where he knew he would find Sam sleeping peacefully in his bed. Entering the so dark room, he flicked on the light for a second to imprint into his mind the geography of the room before turning the switch down before Sam could stir. He sat down in the big comfy couch and glanced at the clock. Four thirty seven. Well, it wouldn't hurt to curl back up into bed. Snuggling into bed, he cuddled with the adorable sleeping Sam.

When he woke up, Sam wasn't there in bed with him. She was putting her clothes on, looking like she was getting ready to leave.

"Hey, don't you want to stay for breakfast?" Other Sam asked.

"No, I kinda just want to forget about last night," Sam put on her top.

"What? But last night was-"

"A really out of character moment for me," Sam interrupted. "I was drunk, but I still should have acted with more judgement. I'm smarter than a one night stand, so… could you please not blab about this? Thanks, Other Sam."

With that, she left. A bit put off, Other Sam flopped into the silken pillows on the grandiose bed.

"SUCK!!!!!</u></v>" he whined into the goose feather cushions.

Other Sam groaned and rolled over. The room seemed to be spinning and the light was so damn white. A wave a nausea washed over him. Groaning, Other Sam rushed to the bathroom to begin his typical morning routine.

ON THE DECK

"Hey, Chase, where's Other Sam?" Danny greeted.

"Oh, he's probably puking his hearts right now," Chase held an ice bag to his head.

Danny rubbed his head, "He has more than one heart?"

Chase sipped on coffee, trying to sober up, "He probably has extra organs lying around, especially livers considering how much he drinks. It's amazing he's not dead yet."

"Well, about me," Danny said. "I just had sex."

"At six in the morning?"

"Oh, damn. is it six already?" Danny looked at his wrist. "Whelp, gotta go. Gonna make my new girl breakfast."

"Your new girl?"

"Well, it was only the best thirty seconds of my life, so… gonna pay her back for them."

Chase shook his head and drank more coffee as Danny left the deck.

POST-SEX BREAKFAST

"Breakfast, cereal, bacon and eggs~ Pot of coffee, bubbling away~ Freshly squeezed mango juice~" Danny sang, carrying a tray of breakfast foods.

"You're awfully chipper today," Pam texted in bed.

"Well, yeah! Because last night, ha ha ha! Lost my virginity~!" Danny sang, pouring a cup of mango juice for his new honey.

"Oh yeah?" Pam smiled slyly. "With whom?"

Danny stopped in his tracks. Didn't they just have sex last night? Also, did she just use the right form of "who"?

"With you, right?! If not, what was last night all about?!"

And then Pam and Danny had a conversation. The word "ejaxclamation" came up. And the word "premature" as well. Danny turned red in the face.

"NO! NOT premature! MATURE, MATURE! POSTmature ejaxclamation! VETERAN</b> ejaxclamation. Wizened old man ejaxclamation!" He defended his manhood.

"Just kidding~" Pam giggled and kissed Danny's nose.

Danny sighed and kissed Pam's forehead, "Don't you ever scare me like that again!"

STATUS REPORT: TUCKER FOLEY

Tucker was in his room, surrounded by girls in pink, polka-dotted, lacy bra and panty outfits, feathers, and glitter.

HE WAS DA MAN

He glanced around at all the cute, sleeping figures occupying his room.

"Because I'm worth it," he whispered happily as he closed his eyes

STATUS REPORT: KRIEGER SISTERS

Ponyo was feeding her goldfish that she brought along for the trip. Brunhild was taking photographs of the horizon. They were relatively drama free.

ON THE EDGE OF THE DECK, AT A TABLE WITH AN UMBRELLA

Other Sam was eating Cheetos(™).

"Are  you even allowed to eat Cheetos(™)?" Chase asked.

"Yeah, the cheese isn't real, so..." Other Sam replied.

"Whatever. We need to talk."

"But it SUCKS today!"  Other Sam groaned.

"What happened?"

"So Sam and I had sex the other night. And I thought we were going to be together forever," Other Sam sighed. "But we're not."

"Awww," Chase pretended to look shocked. "Yeah, drunken sex doesn't usually work that way."

"You suck too."

"What did you expect? That GABA would magically make her fall in love with you? You've got to win her heart with jokes, tenderness, and a similar hobbies and tastes."

"But I've already done that!" Other Sam cried. "And she still doesn't love me!"

"Well, maybe it's not-holy shift! Look at the asymptote on that mother-function!" Chase followed the behind of a short-skirted, tanned woman.

"I'm sorry you were saying about me?" Other Sam waved his hand in front of his friends eyes.

"Right, we need to talk about this." Chase put down a piece of paper on the table.

On the paper the words Sambro "Other Sam" Milliner were printed at the top. A large number forty six filled up the rest of the paper.

"This is your mary-sue litmus test score."

"So?"

"So?! You are four points from being killed dead," Chase threw his hands up. "Don't you care about your existence?!"

"Would you relax? That quiz was so yesterday! I took it again and I got a 31. i took it again, and I got a 23. So suck on that!"

"You're still in the danger zone."

"Can we not talk about this right now?"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"…My clothes."

"No, Sambro."

Without warming, fog grew on the deck, giving the yacht an ominous feeling.

"Oh, they moved the band stage up here," Other Sam commented. "Fog machines are on."

"Hu~uh," Chase replied absent minded.

"What?"

"I'm trying to imagine you and Sam having sex."

"WHAT?"

"Or at least how it sounds."

"WHY?????"

"Oh! Sam!" Chase said in a deep burly voice before switching into a falsetto. "Oh! Oh! Other Sam!"

"Would you SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" Other Sam stood up, overturning the table. "I will throw you off this boat!"

Other Sam grabbed Chase by the throat, forcing Freedom to lean precariously over the railing of the yacht. Chase instinctively clawed at his friends hands, desperately trying to free himself. He was saved when a green object hit Other Sam in the face at high velocity. Yelling in pain, Other Sam clutched his nose, warm blood oozing between his fingers. The fog turned green and people on board started screaming and pointing in horror at a figure amassed on the deck of the yacht. A giant green mosquito pulled itself together from flying green parts emerging from the sea. It gave out a loud battle cry and sprayed out purple mist.

"You want to save the day with your psychic powers or are you going to let that go?" Chase asked his friend, who was too busy writhing on the floor in pain. "I guess not."

The purple mist turned into buff monsters, which proceeded to terrorize the women on the deck. The buff purple mist monsters made faces at them and phased the women out of their clothes. The mosquito sprayed blue mist from its stinger, and the blue mist entrapped the women and brought them down into the ocean. The mosquito laughed nasally and sprayed more purple mist. It was then hit rudely by a blast of ectoplasm.

When the mosquito righted itself, its neck elongated from its body, stretching out and transforming into a human torso.

"WHO THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT!?!" It bellowed, arms emerging from the torso to wave enthusiastically.

"My name's Danny Phantom, mother fucker!" Danny swooped onto the deck from below. "Maybe you've heard of me!"

Danny wasted no time rushing to the mosquito to punch it in the face. The mosquito was knocked onto the floor and skid across the wood laminate. Getting up, it spit out a tooth.

"Damn, Danny P. You's a sexy bitch!" It leered.

"YO, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SUCK HIS DICK!!!" Other Sam yelled from the sidelines.

"What?????" The mosquito turned his head towards the angry bystander.

While the big bad was distracted, Danny gave it a powerful left uppercut, sending it flying into the ocean. The giant resulting splash was very satisfying. Ponyo and Brunhild ran onto the deck.

"Did we miss the butt-whooping?" Ponyo asked, looking around.

"Pretty much," Danny said.

Other Sam by now had managed to stand up, his nose still throbbing in pain. Brunhild took photos of the damage, snapping away in rhythmic clicks. Danny and Chase conversed about the reason behind the mosquito attack when it rose up from the water again. Still disoriented from Danny's super punch, it flew into one of the yacht's tiers. The explosion happened slowly, the particles of debris almost floating before being hurtled towards the boat and the surrounding waters by a giant ball of reds, oranges, yellows, whites, and grays. The people watched in awe, stunned by the beauty formed by such riveting destruction. The only sound was produced by Brunhild's shutter, rapidly clicking to capture every second. The moment ended when the mosquito tried again and properly landed on the deck.

"Did everyone see that?" The mosquito tottered around. "Because I will NOT be doing it again!"
PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I took the Mary Sue test for Other Sam, and I was horrified when he got a 46. So I moved some stuff around, and felt satisfied when he got 23. And then I moved on to greater crack.

"I JUST HAD SEX", "can I have at least five minutes" (C) Being Human
"Doesn't matter" "best thirty seconds" (C) Lonely Island, "I Just Had Sex"
"smell my eyes" (C) Dane Cook
"The secret ingredient is cell phone" (C) Archer
breakfast song, "mature ejaculation" (C) Eddie Izzard
"ejaxclamation" (C) Tara Gilespie
Cheetos (C) Frito-Lay
"holy shift!" (C) Snorg Tees
"I thought we would be together forever" (C) AVPM
"Sexy Bitch" (C) Akon
"Yo, STFU!" (C) Natalie Portman Rap
"Did everyone see that?" (C) Pirates of the Carribean
© 2011 - 2024 dinjzie
Comments1
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BatmanWithBunnyEars's avatar
"Well, maybe it's not-holy shift! Look at the asymptote on that mother-function!" That was my favorite line because of all the math classes I took in college.

I also like the overall randomness in it, and the "YO, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SUCK HIS DICK!!!" distraction. I've never heard that one before!
:iconlol--plz: